After switching off the engine , Neha just sat there for a minute - her heart still pounding at such a rate that she could count the beats.Her mouth was dry and she could feel beads of sweat on her forehead."The meeting is not more important than my life.I can afford to reach late." She shouted loudly thrice to herself.She picked up the cell phone when she was sure that her voice was stable and dialled the company number."I have a flat tire. I will turn in a bit late." was all she could manage.She hung up and rested her head back onto the headrest , exhausted, drained of energy.

No sooner did she close her eyes than the whole thing came back to her.How come i did not notice that i was too close to the truck ahead ? The answer came back in a fraction of a second.She could not deny it to herself that she was preoccupied - her thoughts switching rapidly between her family back in India , her job and eventually to the future ahead of which she was not certain.She had resolved time and again that she would stop it but without any success.And then the next thing she remembered was noticing that she was virtually tailgating the truck ahead.She had read somewhere that people see their entire life flash before their eyes in such cases but even now when she thought back over it the only emotion that she could remember that she had at that time was an intense desire to stay alive and alongwith it the fear of death.

Even now her whole being cringed at the thought of death.She could almost see her car - torn apart as a result of the collision - the police cars , the ambulance.She had seen it a few times while driving on that highway.But then that was a different case alltogether.Death seemed very remote then ..something which would not cross your path....not yet.... not now.She remembered the story from Mahabharata and her mouth curved into a smile at the thought that she was no exception to the humans who go on thro' life seeing death as if they were themselves immortal.

She rolled down one of the windows and unfastened the seat belt.The cool morning air cleared her head a bit and she felt relaxed for the first time since morning.Peace of mind had become a luxury she could no longer afford to have. She had once jokingly remarked that if they sold peace of mind in KMart/WalMart she would buy it in bulk.Maybe they should have something like "Buy peace of mind and get some more time for urself at half the price".

She looked back at the traffic which was flowing past her as if she was not there at all.Her thoughts turned inwards again. Why was i afraid of death so much ?She could almost hear a dialogue between her self which dreaded death and a new self which Neha did not even know existed till this point.

Maybe because i will be alone after death.
Big deal!!!! If you look at life , everyone is alone.You have people around and you label their interaction as parents, siblings, friends, relatives.But still you are alone with your thoughts.It will be the same after death.

Maybe because i don't know where i will go after death ?
Hey, is it any different than now ? Do you know where you will be 2 years down the lane ? Forget about 2 years from now , do you know for sure where will you be next week ? tomorrow ? an hour from now ? Maybe the next minute ? You could have been in an ambulance right now if you had applied the brakes a second too late.

What about my family back in India ? They would be torn apart if something were to happen to me.
They would be devastated , no doubt about it.But hey , don't kid urself.Life never did and would not stop for anyone. Just look at the traffic flowing past u.Do they care that you are no longer one of them ? No , they would go ahead. Life works the same way.People who love you will miss you but remember time heals everything , i repeat everything.Remember the time your grandpa passed away ? It was the first time death had sounded real because it had touched someone you knew and loved.You never forgot the helplessness in your mum's eyes and the vacuum that she felt afterwards.You were afraid that things won't be normal ever again.Yet they were....it took some time but they were normal again.

But i am their child.Surely the loss of your own flesh and blood would be too much to bear.
I am not denying that the loss would be great but they would learn to live with it , eventually....trust me on this one , i know.

I can't let go of all that i have earned with such hardwork at the drop of a hat..
There you go....it took you so long to admit that you still are attached to all worldly things.Hey, but whoever told you that it was going to be with you forever ? It was never meant to be with you in the long run.What will be with you forever is love that you gave to others and that the others gave to you , the good deeds and the kind words. Wasn't that you always wanted - smiles , happiness and warmth ?

But i have so many things to do still.....
I understand that and i agree but can't you see that there will always be something that you would not have done ? Could you do whatever you wanted to at all times in your life so far ? Was there nothing in your life that gave you satisfaction ? You set goals for urself and you achieved them.You worked hard and got the results.You made wonderful friends.You laughed and had fun.You cried for others when you felt their pain.You cared for people around and tried to make life a little better for them. And above all you had a chance to love someone very nice and be loved just the same.You could not have asked for more. Remember it is not how much you lived but how you lived that makes the difference or else Sandalwood would have been long forgotten.Do welcome life with open hands but let those hands have the strength to embrace death with equal calmness.You should be able to look death in the eye with a smile on your lips and with the words "Hello, Mr.Death".

"Miss , any problem here ?" Neha's chain of thoughts was broken at the words.A smartly dressed cop was leaning against the car window."No officer , no problem at all ....not anymore" she said with a smile as she started the car to join the ever-increasing traffic.